For fathers-to-be the experience of having a baby is exciting and terrifying at the same time. “Right when it’s go time, man it’s crazy,” said David Crane, the father of 3-month-old Devin. “It’s one of the coolest things ever.”
It’s the sentiment eight men share during Daddy Boot Camp at Good Samaritan Hospital. The class gives the mostly first time dads a place to hear first-hand experiences, learn, ask questions and be more prepared for fatherhood.
Randy Doyle, a father himself, teaches the class by interviewing two dads who took the class previously.
Crane, along with his son and Rojohn Soriano, the father of 3-month-old Simon, took the class before their children were born. They came back with their sons to share their experiences with the expecting fathers.
The newborns joined their dads for the class, so those new to boot camp can gain experience in holding a baby, changing a diaper and swaddling under the guidance of fathers who not too long ago were in their same shoes.
The group of eight fathers-to-be started the session by telling each other when their baby was due. Some were due in a few weeks — others still had months to prepare.
The expecting dads are anywhere from their early 20s to 50-years-old. Their backgrounds and professions vary, but they all express a common goal — they want to be the best dads they can be.
Although no one can foresee everything that comes with fatherhood, these men came to the class to learn as much as they can and be prepared for a monumental change in their lives.
When expecting a child, there are a lot of things and situations to plan for, Doyle said. Who’s going to be the labor coach? Who’s going to support the coach? What routes are there to the hospital? Who will be allowed in the hospital room during the birth? What should be packed for the hospital stay? Will the doctor allow video or photos to be taken during the birth? Should an epidural be used? If so, when?
Then once the baby is born and comes home the real fun begins. Should the baby be breast fed or formula fed? What kind of sleeping shifts should be made? What about changing diapers? Should the home be baby-proofed? What’s baby-proofing? How much is this all going to cost?
The questions seem endless and the answers can be just as daunting. Even once plans are in place, parents also have to be ready to throw them out and just go with the unexpected, Doyle said.
“Be ready for things to change,” Soriano told the class.
During the birth it can be helpful to have a family member or friend around who has had a child to help out, he said. His sister was a great support for him.
Crane had the support of his wife’s best friend.
Having a birth plan in place with the medical staff can make the situation easier, Doyle said. Doctors and nurses do this every day and will keep everything in order.
“Tell them (nurses) the plan,” Doyle said. “They can play the bad guy for you.”
The blood and other bodily fluids that accompany a birth can be frightening for an expected father to see coming out of the mother of their child.
Crane was certain he didn’t want to see any of it, but when it was time it wasn’t frightening or disgusting.
“I don’t know what changed,” he said. “It’s the most beautiful thing ever. There’s worse things on TV.”
Soriano was the same way. He doesn’t like seeing blood and even gets queasy when he gets his blood drawn.
“You just kind of lock it out of your mind,” he said. “I was just really in the moment.”
The moment each of their children were born, Crane and Soriano were overwhelmed with emotions. The child is slimy and bloody, Crane said, but it doesn’t matter.
“You’re just amazed that you made the baby that’s coming out,” Crane said.
Soriano was so amazed he actually forgot his wife was there for a moment.
“You’re just taken aback from this person that’s in front of you,” Soriano said.
Medical staff go into action to get the newborn cleaned up and check all their vitals. The experience in seeing how the nurses handle the child can be a bit traumatic, Doyle said.
Soriano and Crane recalled the nurses were rough with their newborns, not in an abusive manner just forceful.
“I think nurses try to show you these babies are really tough,” Doyle said.
Soriano was apprehensive at first, but soon understood that the nurses were showing him that actually babies are very durable.
“But childbirth doesn’t end once the baby comes out. There’s still the task of cutting the umbilical cord, which Crane, Soriano and Doyle chose to cut themselves.
The cord is like a natural feeding tube for the child when it’s in the mother. Once the baby is out, the cord is clamped on two sides and ready to be cut.
It doesn’t hurt the child or the mother and it’s tough to cut. It’s like calamari, Doyle said.
“You have to cut through it fast,” Crane said. “It’s like a thick piece of rubber.”
Then comes the placenta.
The placenta can be as big as the baby,” Doyle said. “It looks like a giant raisin, but more red in color.”
It’s just another part of fatherhood that many don’t think about off hand, but when the time comes isn’t really that big of a deal.
For about a week after a baby is born they have a dark tar-like stool, Doyle told the class.
“It can be a bear to clean up,” Soriano said. “You almost have to peel it off.”
But it’s natural as the child’s system adjusts to not being fed in the womb.
“If I hadn’t been told about that ahead of time, I would have though what is wrong with my kid,” Doyle said.
Once the newborn is home, time is the greatest enemy. There’s just not enough time in the day to sleep, Doyle said. The baby might sleep a few hours and then eat, then go to the bathroom. The cycle lasts for a long time and can happen more than 10 times a day. Soriano’s eats every two to three hours, eight times a day.
“As a newborn they have to eat that often,” he said.
It is important to take turns feeding and changing the baby, Doyle said.
And they will cry, he said.
“You can’t believe how loud they can get for being such a little guy,” Doyle said. “Thirty seconds with a crying baby can seem forever.”
It’s the baby’s way of communicating, he said. It’s the parents’ job to find out why. In many ways figuring that out can be like being Sherlock Holmes trying to solve a mystery, Doyle said.
Sometimes they just cry and there might not be an apparent reason, he said.
“There might be a time where they are going to cry for awhile,” Doyle said.
It can be frustrating and even infuriating, he said, keeping patient and finding healthy ways to let off steam is both relaxing and helpful.
Soriano tends to clean to unwind. Doyle suggested even putting up a punching bag in the garage to relax.
The frustrations and confusion doesn’t stop at a crying baby. Many women suffer from postpartum depression or the “baby blues.” Women are imploded with hormones and having a child can be as emotionally draining as it is physically, Doyle said.
It can be common for a new mother to cry about anything, he said.
“You have to be patient because it doesn’t make sense,” Doyle said.
As men they may feel the need to fix it, but they can’t.
“The only thing you can do is be there emotionally,” Soriano said.
Finding ways to offer relief, like finding one-on-one time with the newborn, can not only offer some relief for mom, but also gives dad a chance to connect with their child.
“She (mom) does need this time by herself at some point,” Doyle said.
And finding time to take without the baby, as a couple, can be rejuvenating, he said.
“Find people you trust to take care of the baby,” Doyle said.
Taking this time can also calm fears of leaving the newborn with someone else, he said.
There are many different fears the expecting fathers have. Some aren’t sure if they can deal with the blood that is involved. Others fear that because they work far away they’ll miss the birth. Still others are nervous about having a little girl and hoping they instill in them strength and a sense of self-worth.
All hope for the best and “just hope everything goes well.”
During the end of the class, the men shared their experiences with their own fathers. Many had fond memories, some dark memories or didn’t have their father in their lives at all.
Each hoped to take the best of what their fathers had taught them, whether it was confidence, a hard work ethic or a fascination with learning and improve upon it.
It’s the goal of any father, many of the participants said, and hopefully their children will say “They were a good dad” and aim to be an even better own someday.
As graduates of Daddy Boot Camp, these fathers may still be nervous but feel better prepared. Maybe one day they’ll be sharing their own experience with fathers-to-be.
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Daddy boot camp
The next Daddy Boot Camp is from 9 a.m. to noon Saturday, Feb. 16, at Good Samaritan Hospital Birth Center. The cost is $25 and pre-registration is required. To register e-mail childbirthed@goodsamhealth.org.
Reach Reporter Chris Albert at 253-841-2481 Ext. 313 or by e-mail at chris.albert@puyallupherald.com.
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