Not fitting the mold

Joan Cronk / guest columnist

So tell me the truth. What do you think about the word “retarded”? Sometimes I hear teenagers toss it around liberally, spitting it out with, “Oh, you are such a retard.” I wish they could meet Maxford.

Here are a few things you need to know about Maxford. He can put on his own finger gloves, hat and boots. He can blow his nose. He can sign more than 60 words. Signing is how he currently communicates because his language skills are delayed. He is potty trained. He loves trains. He sits for extended periods of time with his little feet crossed in front of him, “reading.” When I visit, he pats the ground over and over, begging me to sit by him.

Maxford, who is my grandson, was born in 2004 with Down syndrome. He wears glasses. His eyesight is compromised, really his only medical condition. He wears Harry Potter glasses that give him this preppy look that we love. His parents make sure he is always dressed in the best clothes. His mother pays big bucks for him to get a really good haircut. When you have a child with special needs, you do those things. You can’t afford for him to look any different than he already does.

Sometimes so-called professionals leave their sensitivity at the door. When Maxford had his eyes tested by one of the top ophthalmologists in Seattle at one of the biggest hospitals, the good doc referred to our little guy, in front of his mother, as “mongoloid.”

And then a nurse who weighed and measured him used the chart for typical children and announced, “he is in the minus three percentile!”

Life is tough when you don’t fit the mold. At 100 yards you can tell this kid is different because he wears the mask of Down syndrome. I have moved past wanting to chase people down when they took a second look, grabbing them by the arm and shouting, “Take a good look — just take a good look.”

When Maxford’s mother was pregnant with her third child, her daughter Grace whispered in her ear, “will this baby be born with Down syndrome, too?” When her mother answered he would not, Grace gave her a thumbs up.

Well-meaning folks say things like “You’ll realize this is such a blessing in your family.” I went through a rough patch in the beginning when I found myself snapping back at them, “Then let’s just have this blessing in your family, not mine.” Maxford is a blessing, no doubt about it. Down syndrome, however, is not.

We have all had some growth since then. Now I know that when people see Maxford with his family they may take a second look, maybe even whisper to each other behind open hands, but soon they will realize something that we already know. Maxford was born into a loving, supportive family. He is one lucky little boy.

Joan Cronk lives in downtown Puyallup. You can reach her at JoanCronk@comcast.net.

Reach guest columnist Joan Cronk by e-mail at editor@puyallupherald.com.