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closeScoop du jour: Internet is missing a key target audience
George Le Masurier
Some day, the people who run the Internet are going to realize they’re missing the huge guy market. Sure, we can buy tools online and follow the U.S. Open hole-by-hole in real time. That’s fun an all, but not really useful. Here are a few Web sites that guys really need.
Houseworkcalculator.org
If you’re a guy, you already think you do more than your share of the housework by unloading the dishwasher every other week. Your spouse probably thinks differently. She may want you to cook dinner once in a while, mow the lawn or even just stop blowing your nose in the dirty laundry. Personally, I think you’ve got a rock-solid argument, but how about a Web site that could tell you for sure?
You would plug in the hours per week you spend at work and other activities that contribute to your smooth-running household, such as keeping the beer fridge stocked and making sure the remote for the television still works. Then you input the amount of time your spouse wastes trying to convince you that some chore needs doing, which she could use so much more productively.
Then, voila, the ‘housework calculator’ produces a time management chart complete with graphs and a list of the Top 10 reasons why you should be allowed to go golfing on Saturday.
DoTheseGoTogether.com
How many times have you arrived at the office and noticed that people are looking at you funny? You start to feel paranoid. Maybe you forgot to wear pants. Maybe they know something you don’t, such as the boss fired you yesterday and you forgot. Finally, someone breaks down and tells you it’s the way you’re dressed. Perhaps you wore the brown belt with the black shoes. Maybe that orange tie doesn’t go well with the red shirt.
You’ll need one of those Web cameras for this Web site, staffed by a panel of fashionable people who will send you an instant text messages like this one: “Your white tee shirt with the black pants presents a classic style, and we like the splash of color created by the pizza stain on the front.”
DoISmell.com
Because sometimes it’s hard for guys to know.
WhatInBlazesDoesSheMean.com
Has your wife or girlfriend ever asked you a simple question, such as “Do you want to go to a movie with our friends John and Beth tonight?” After you say, “Sure, why not,” she breaks down into a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor before running to lock herself in the bathroom screaming “You never want to spend time with just me!” And, you’re wondering what in blazes just happened.
Wouldn’t it be handy to have a Web site where you could type in her literal words and it would tell you what she really means? Even better if you could connect to this site while talking to her on your cell phone and receive translations in real time.
ColorTranslator.com
A friend of mine and his wife went shopping for a new car. They looked at 100 different models and colors and couldn’t decide. When they got home, his wife said they should get the sage one. He just nodded as if he understood exactly what she meant and the next day brought home a yellow car. He had no idea what color “sage” was and, of course, being a guy, didn’t bother to ask.
On this site, you could type in a color, such as “Dried Rosemary,” for instance, and the computer would translate that into one of the 10 colors that guys actually know.
HowSeriousIsIt.com
Sometimes you know you’ve done something wrong, but you’re not exactly sure how much trouble you’re in. More importantly, you don’t know how to get out of it. How about a Web site where you type in what you did – you’d actually have to be honest here – and the computer would tell you, for example, “a nice bouquet of roses would smooth things out”, or “time to visit your mother in the next state … make it a week!”